Are Coloradans At Risk For Catching Cyclosporiasis?

Here at the radio station, management tells us to avoid what's called "potty humor." Basically talking about gross stuff.

That being said, what in God's name is this whole explosive-diarrhea parasite thing? Well, it all started with someone making healthy choices, and it's making me rethink everything. Let me explain.

What is Cyclosporiasis?

Cyclosporiasis is a parasitic infection of the intestines. Sounds rough.

What Are The Signs You Have This Nightmare?

• The most prominent symptom is the big D. Again, it's being described as explosive. Take that for what you will.
• Stomach cramps
• Nausea
• Vowing to never eat bagged salad again
• Vomiting
• Uncontrollable ugly crying
• Loss of appetite
• Fatigue
• Loss of weight. This one intrigues me because how bad is the diarrhea and how much weight would I lose?

Foods to avoid

• Bagged salad
• Lettuce
• Cilantro
• Basil
• Berries
• Other fresh produce

So basically, it's currently safer to eat processed food than fruits and vegetables.

Should Northern Coloradoans be worried?

Hell to the yes. Cyclosporiasis has already spread throughout 18 states, with Michigan being hit the worst. There are currently over 700 cases, and experts are saying it's probably more, but not everyone goes to the doctor.

Should I really cut out the healthy stuff?

I'm not a doctor nor am I a nutritionist, but I would say yes. Let me explain. Fresh fruits are causing explosive diarrhea, and Fruit Loops aren't. Veggies? Lord no. Pop-Tarts? Currently safe.

So take it from me and order the dessert. Grab that party-size bag of Doritos and eat it all, even if you're alone. Cook up that Totino's pizza.

Be safe out there.