The State of Colorado Wants You to Hump

Make no bones about it: the Centennial State now has a vested interest in you having sex.

Colorado state legislators have advanced a bill that, if passed, would require most health insurance plans cover abortions and contraception. Now, regardless of how you might feel about that particular issue, it can't be denied that the folks at the state Capitol are clearly thinking a lot about our collective naughty bits, and more specifically, what we're doing with them.

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The idea itself doesn't hurt my feelings, to be honest, mostly because the thought of a law that makes an insurance company actually pay for something always makes me smile, doesn't matter what. That being said, I don't think like normal people, so the only thing I can really infer from this news is that state legislators want Coloradans to bone.

Are You Sure?

Yes: I am 100% certain that the Colorado state government wants us to be getting freakier more frequently. Granted, easier access to the tools of safe sex will help keep people...safe, but there's just too much evidence that suggests that this plan isn't entirely altruistic.

Why, Then?

I'm not saying that this is some kind of high-level, illuminati-style conspiracy, or anything else that would be foolish and stupid. It's just that the signs are there. Heck, we've already talked about Colorado's population decline. You don't think our state government needs more citizens to...govern (I've got to stop doing that)? House seats at the Federal level are based on population; you don't think we want more of those?

Again, this is all purely conjecture, but to me these signs all point to state officials encouraging intimacy amongst the populace. Whether altruistic in their intent or not, perhaps this move will work to all of our benefit. I mean, if you can point to a sense of Colorado pride the next time you want to 'spend some time' with your spouse, or significant-other, or total stranger, you might not strike out on your next Saturday night out. If you're looking for world peace, that sounds like the kind of government program we can all get behind.

15 Towns In Utah With Dirty Sounding Names

These Are The Towns In Utah With The Dirtiest Sounding Names.

16 Indiana Towns with Dirty-Sounding Names

A majority of these towns were given their names in the mid-to-late 1800s as settlers making their way across the country found unclaimed plots of land and decided to make them their own. While I imagine they thought the names they came up with were innocent, and perhaps a tribute to something in their lives, pop culture has warped our minds to the point since then that we can't help but think of something about the town that was never intended by its founders. Take a look at this list. I guarantee there's at least one name that will make you chuckle.